What is love?

Couple of surprises happened yesterday... first was the Minneapolis bridge that collapsed during rush hour traffic..., then it was my blog causing lots of heartache or headache for the love of my life or wife!

I think the main issue is exactly what is love? I think with the exception of one girl, who I actually broke up with because I honestly don't think I love her that much and I think I'm being unfair to her..., other than her, I think pretty much all the past girlfriends in my life, and we can even include my own mother, believed that I don't really love them that much. And now this 'thing' is also creeping into my marriage. If everyone has the same complaints about me, then maybe the complaint is legitimate, right? Otherwise, how can this be? Maybe it's my 'lukewarm' personality? Maybe I'm just stupid and don't know how to properly love? Anyway, I'm sure that they know that I love them, it's just that they all wish they can extract MORE out of me or something. Each one of them questions my love for them. I dunno. All I can say is that I know I love all of them the best way I know how. For sure there's room for improvement, but if I cannot satisfy fully at the moment, maybe it's only because I'm not Jesus Christ? ;)

I did mention to my wife prior to our marriage that an important attitude to have in a marriage is expect oneself to do 100% and expect the other to do 0%. If we both expect each other to do 50/50, for sure there'll be disappointments. My 100% effort may appear only 10% to you. And your 100% effort may only appear 5% to me! And consequently, people begin to file divorces... or end up having such loveless marriages because they see their spouses as insufficient. But if we have no expectations, every tiny percentage the other person do for us can greatly please us, right? Of course having low expectation isn't the same as looking down at the person..., yeah, he sucks, that's why I have no expecations! There's really no need to look down at your spouse that way!

I personally believe the main thing about marriage is to live a "loving" life "together". Doesn't matter if we're rich or poor, healthy or sick, fun or boring, young or old, all the way until death due us apart. That's the vow we make... the vow is basically saying we will be together no matter what. Nothing can keep us apart. You can have Leukemia or whatever, I still won't leave you. There's absolutely nothing that can keep me away from you... just as there's absolute nothing that can seperate us from the love of Christ.

Well, actually there is something that can seperate us from the love of Christ, that is the lack of faith. We have the option to choose to NOT believe. People also have the option to choose to leave or to divorce.

Today's scripture read was about Esau. He made a vow to give up his birthright. He for sure didn't think too much of that vow. Similar, I'm sure most married couples, especially those who are divorced now, probably didn't think too carefully when they made their vows too. Not being judgemental against divorcees here... divorce does happen... and sometimes there are other things that can due us apart before death. But of course I'd prefer death than those other things. Divorce will never be an option for me of course. I believe divorce can only be an option if someday I have leukemia or something like that and if my wife really wants it too... Nobody wants to be a burden to the one they love, right? I've been a secret admirer of some chick in my high school back then..., but she's just so much better than me in every way, she has better grades, she plays the violin better than me, she's one year older and even has a car! What do I have to offer? I "loved" her, honestly don't know why... she's not that gorgeous either, was I just attracted to her brain or something? I dunno. But I did know that since I have nothing much I can offer her, then why be together? Plus I was so young too... so I never said anything to her..., but if she asked to be my girlfriend, of course I'd jump at that opportunity! ;)

Anyway, back to last night, it was kinda worriesome for a while for me... as our discussion ended up going nowhere... so the wife simply took off in the new car! So what did I do? I ran to God. Not because I want to avoid the responsibility of screwing things up, but I honestly don't know what else to do. After I strummed my guitar to worship and pray to Him for a while... I called my wife. She didn't pick up because she was still pissed... so I just went to bed.

But guess what? Somehow by whatever miraculous reasons, she was able to cool off and we were talking again... and soon enough, we were still able to kiss each other good nite later on that evening... just to honor the vow we made to each other... to at least kiss each good nite every nite for the rest of our lives.

Yep, happily ever after? No way...

But unhappy forever? Of course not!

God is slowing changing both of us to become more like Him. Things can only get better!

(Genesis 25:27-34)